She sits patiently with her hair pulled back and her wrists resting on the table in front of her, in the European style of dining, just in case she needs to gesture casually as she tells some terribly witty and convincing story about her many triumphs in whatever field she is applying for. Today, she is Corporate Barbie, wearing the black pants she's only worn when she was an usher at the local theatre her freshman year of college, the oxford shirt she wore in a commercial she shot in Jersey, and the black flats she used to wear when she worked for a catering company. A woman with a smile that never reaches her eyes and a well-practiced quite laugh enters the room and immediately begins firing questions at her victim like foam darts from a Nerf gun.
HR rep: Tell me about yourself
Actor: (Does so)
HR rep: (After giving her an, 'oh, is that all?' look) Why did you leave your last job?
Actor: Because the show closed...so they wouldn't let me perform on the stage anymore...
HR rep: What are your biggest strengths as an employee?
Actor: I carried the set of 'You Can't Take it With You" up a fire-escape once.
HR rep: Your biggest weakness?
Actor: I nearly fell through the ceiling when I was acting as Master Electrician. Now, I have a crippling fear of yellow insulation.
HR rep: Have you ever had a fellow employee who was difficult to work with?
Actor: Psh, I told you I'm an actor, right?
HR rep: Tell me about a time you've provided exemplary service to a customer.
Actor: This lady collapsed in the audience during Brighton Beach Memoirs. I was able to get the paramedics to carry her out and resuscitate her without disrupting Eugene's monologue.
HR rep: What is the hardest decision you've ever had to make in your life?
Actor: In my life? Is that really the question on the paper? Isn't that kind of personal? Hardest decision IN MY LIFE?
HR rep: Yes
Actor: Color or Black and White.
HR rep: What?
Actor: Headshots.
HR rep: I see. I think we're going to hire internally for this position.
Actor: Yeah, you probably should.
