Unequal Opportunity Employers

Hi, I'm Kristen Burke. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight laughing at Mario Lopez's Saved by the Bell haircut (mullet or jerry-curl? you decide). But you know what's not funny? Discrimination against vegetarians. While applying for waitressing jobs, vegetarians everywhere are being turned away at establishments like Zot in Old City. This restaurant claims it cannot hire servers who cannot taste their delicacies which include kangaroo, ostrich, and black bear. Now, most vegetarians would probably be against working at a place that serves entrees that could be from the endangered species list, but still it's the principal of the thing! Vegetarians should be able to serve Sea Turtle Omelets or Siberian Tiger Filets just like anyone else!

When a Stranger Calls

I was waiting for my ride at the Westmont PATCO station, when I discovered a cell phone sitting on the bench. Knowing the crippling effects of losing one's cell phone, I picked it up and scanned through the contacts until I landed on "Mom". A woman picked up, "Hello?"

Me: "Hello, my name is Kristen Burke, and I found this cell phone at the Westmont PATCO station. I dialed the number that said 'Mom'"

Mom: "Oh, I don't know whose that could be."

Me: "...Huh. Well...there's a picture of a woman and young boy on the phone."

Mom:  "Oh! Maybe it's my son's!"

Me: "...y-yes. That sounds right."

Mom: "Where are you? I'm in Long Island."

Me: "Well, I'm in New Jersey, and I'm going to leave the phone with an attendant here."

Mom: "Ok...hmmm"

Me: "Could you call your son at home and let him know where it is?"

Mom: "Oh, Ok! Yeah! I could do that."

Me: "Greeeaat."

On another topic, I believe cling wrap is one of the biggest lies in this country. 

Where Fun Goes to Die

Hey, you! Yes, YOU! Are you between the ages of 23 and 37? Do you feel no need to leave your college days behind you? Then come to scenic Manayunk! Here you can relive all the worst moments of your early 20's. Come stand in line for an overrated club with girls wearing tube tops and booty shorts in 40 degree weather. Enjoy being hit on by complete tools who think you care how they're going to climb the corporate ladder in the dry cleaning industry. Get stared down by girls with low self-esteem who are trying oh-so-very hard. If this sounds like the place you wanna be, take a 30 minute cab ride out of the city and come to a place where desperation is palpable and being pathetic never goes out of style. I guarantee you, you will never want to leave; and you probably won't be able to anyway since the train stops at midnight.