As I approach my one year anniversary with, and appropriately enough, hiatus from the Philly Kids Gym, I feel it important to review what we've learned this year. Consider this your study guide for the SATS.
1. When it comes to things that require a parent's immediate attention: Gucci > Baby.
2. There are several breeds of nannies: over-protective, future super moms, jaded hipsters (that's redundant), women who make me regret never learning Spanish (or Portugese, for that matter), cool Upenn students, and girls who apparently think they can choke me just by glaring into my soul (much like Darth Vader).
3. 16 months: the appropriate age to start popping your sons collar.
4. Bubble time: The great equalizer.
5. Bouncy balls are to babies, as oil is to the US. One baby totally Shawshank Redemptioned me by hiding in the tunnel with on all class.
6. Soccer net = baby hammock
7. Hockey is the absolute worst sport to teach a three year old. Here! Run with this stick!
8. Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a baby to tumble, and he'll spend the rest of the hour doing "downward dog", waiting patiently for someone to flip him over.
9. Babies are excellent at the guido fist pump. The best song to teach babies to dance is "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. The worst is "C'mon ride the Train"...didn't really realize how dirty that song is til I put it on the mix...
10. It's important not to be too good at this job. You may inspire four year-olds to yell "I want to work at the Philly Kids Gym!" in a round that rivals the famous "I am Spartacus!" scenario. Oops.
"Bats don't like peguins"~four-year old on zoology.
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