Identity Crisis

So lately, some one has been trying to steal my identity. Stuff stolen, accounts hacked, etc. But I feel I should warn them, that beneath all the inherent awesomeness that is me, it's not always easy being Kristen...

I'm the kind of girl who goes to a petting zoo only to be run down my a bull and have it crush my left foot.

I'm the kind of girl who gets back on the horse, only to be bucked off twice more.

I'm the kind of girl who at the age of three, thought dogs should live in the wild and so released her neighbors terrier yelling "Go! Run free with your kin!" (or ya know, the three year old version of that)

I'm the kind of girl who gets robbed by a one-legged man named Gomez on the King Kong ride at Universal Sutdios.

I'm the kind of girl who at the age of five thought the cartoon about the flying fish did not teach us to try, try again...but taught us that if we jumped off enough high things, humans could fly too.

I'm the girl who goes to girl scout camp in a tornado.


I'm the kind of girl who ends up in a California king sized bed in Ohio...with no pillows.

I'm the kind of girl who tells her date she used to not pay for cable, only to find out he works for Comcast.

I'm the kind of girl who gets her finger shut in a mousetrap much like Tom in Tom and Jerry.

I'm the kind of girl who borrows heels from the costume shop for an event, without realizing there are taps on the bottom. Damn tile floors.

I'm the kind of girl who at the age of 10, put cumin on applesauce, because I thought the jar said cinnamon.

I'm the king of girl who ends up on crutches the day SEPTA decides to strike.

So there you go, guy. Just a couple of things I should warn you about before you decide to be me. Please do not pity me, for I am in fact superfly, but with excellence comes clumsiness. There are more that my readers are sure to attest to, but it's breakfast time, and I'm sure this will get you started. Hugs and kisses from me to me.

"I didn't write it"~A throw back to JM on acting the text.